Due to the number of matches, we will have specific critique from three of the five judges. If you would like further elaboration from a specific judge, please note us.
As always, thank you for your patience!
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Aroda:
Well characterized and once again, very good work. I liked the interaction between the characters and Mona’s eyes and strength becoming a weakness considering she can’t sleep in the 7th chapter. There was also a lot of motion and more moving images this round than in previous, which I thought was great improvement and kept things interesting. Overall, a really solid piece.
Some of the transitions could have been done better- I wasn’t so sure what the environments were after Malley’s demon drags Mona out of the forest, for example. I also didn’t really understand Chapter 6 so much? I understood the basis that Mona was loved by heavenly beings, not earth beings, but I’m not sure who the person or people were- the system just wasn’t explained enough for me and left me confused.
As always, your storytelling was very well done. You have found a good balance between drama, visuals, and keeping the plot moving at a good pace. The scene with Haneal was a nice interlude to help us recover from the Judea incident, and was a good piece of foreshadowing for the scene where Mona's fighting Malley and dreaming of her mother. Speaking of Malley, I loved the teamwork and friendship that was built between Mona and Malley when they were in the forest. Like with Judea, I found myself wishing they both could have a happy ending, but alas. Malley's death was poignant and well-executed. I loved the way the insect demon's design spread over Malley every time they came back onscreen.
My biggest issue with this entry were some amateurish design mistakes. Quite a lot of the dialogue was difficult to read, especially Mona's in the forest and the demon's text towards the end. Some of the transitions were a little rough as well. This may be more of a personal preference in my case, but some of the line art and coloring was a little…blobby. I primarily noticed this on faces, like some close-ups of Haneal and Gideon's eyes.
Overall this was a very solid entry. You managed to cover a lot of ground, and I can't wait to see what the next rounds will bring.
In my opinion, the choice of medium and the execution made this one a clear winner. Both competitors here delivered well on the story part, but a fully colored entry with very good art, love for detail (for example in the lettering) and even animated bits just stands out a lot. I was invested throughout, and thought that it was a beautiful send-off for the opponent, which always pleases me. Again, in comparison to the opponent entry the lettering stood out especially to me - giving every character a distinct but still readable voice can be a ton of work, I know that. I appreciate that work.
I literally can’t come up with any downsides. You have clearly learned a lot from your past entries and the critique given on them, and you obviously tried to incorporate what you’ve learned into this one.
FinalDarkBlade and
WingedOzelot:
Very good use of comics in the first half, with impressive paneling that kept me interested and wasn’t boring. I thought Azrael’s plan was very interesting and creative, and really showed another piece of the big picture your plot is heading towards. There were excellent moments of suspense and the bond between the two characters really helped their interactions and the character development.
Sometimes for the comics, I found that the backgrounds were a bit hard to make out- some more distinct values can help with that. Blacker blacks and lighter lights with more contrast. Additionally, the prose part seemed rather simple in structure and sentence builds to me, and it wasn’t super great at keeping my attention. I do think there were points of, perhaps, “over-dramaticism” such as when Sam is captured by the demons, but then again, Azrael is kinda a prick who wants attention so I can totally get the theatrics.
Your entry had an amazing beginning; the story was intense, I loved Samael and Azrael's interaction, Azrael's little ploy to trap Samael, and the comic itself was lovely. The zombie fallen angels were a nice spin on the Behemoth concept, but I didn't feel like they were used to their fullest extent. Unfortunately, I felt like your story started unraveling after they got out of the forest. It wasn't the switch to writing that really did it, but I lost my investment around the time Gideon's wings were severed. Malley's pact with the insect demon seemed to come out of nowhere in your entry, and while I can see the purpose of contrasting Mona's ties to Heaven with Malley's ties to Hell, it ultimately fell flat and seemed more like a cheap plot twist than anything else.
Very well-done compositions and I liked especially the concept of the pocket dimension. Also I totally have a think for insect demons, so that’s always good! The demon designs you come up with are very interesting to look at.
I must admit that this entry failed to get me invested throughout. While I always appreciate use of the judges, it almost comes across as if you took too many liberties here, not only with the killing but also with Azrael’s plans. It just sat wrong with me a little, especially since peripheral judges mostly seem to appear in your entries to be killed off soon at this point in time. Apart from that, it was of good quality, but pencil sketched pages with very samey lettering simply lose out against someone with equally high concept but fully colored and partially animated works.
Aroda:
[WINNER]
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ScytheVale:
I loved the minimalist coloring in this round. All the visuals were cohesive and for the most part the panels weren't as cluttered and packed as they have been in previous rounds. However, you were still trying to shove a lot of story into a very small amount of space and I never got fully invested in the comic. The sub-plot with Trace's may-or-may-not-be brother didn't get my interest at all. I do want to learn more about Trace and Kate, but the cryptic flashbacks and ambiguous family members weren't the way to go, especially this far into the tournament. While I loved the concept of the blight and Azrael acting like a mission director in a spy film, it wasn't enough to keep this comic afloat.
There is much less cluttered panels and very tasteful amounts of color used in the comic. was well done and Jack was portrayed well. There were a number of times where the comic got a bit confusing and seemed a little out of place. There were far too many subplots in the beginning of the comic, which slowed the pace considerably. Occasionally the text would bleed into the side of the text bubbles, but that’s a small complaint.
Art style is improving, and Jack’s expressions were relatively well done. It’s less cluttered now, too.
However, everything was EXCEEDINGLY confusing. It was very difficult to follow, and the first half of the round was actually kind of bland. Don’t get me wrong, character development is cool, but too much can kill the mood.
Baka-Moyashi:
We've probably said this in every review, but I love seeing how much you've improved since your audition! You have a good grasp of body language as well as facial expressions, and that gives your work a lot more depth than just expressions and dialogue can do by themselves. The Egyptian themed angel in Patiencia was a nice break from the typically Western and Oriental designs we've seen in most entries. Overall it was a very concise entry, the story didn't lag, but there wasn't a whole lot of new character development on Jack's part either.
I love how Trace, Dusk, and Azrael were portrayed and they all were in character. I was also impressed with the fact Jack’s leg injury from round one is still mentioned. While checking back in round one, it’s clear that there is a massive improvement in the art style as a whole through the competition.
Actually, the story of this went surprisingly smoothly, and I know I point this out in a lot of rounds, but Trace was in character, and stayed as such pretty well. I also like the use of angels and how some of them differ in wings. I quite liked the one who attacked Trace and Jack.
While Trace was in character, Dusk was not. I’m certain, given that she’s an intelligent being with her own powers, she would have intervened during the fight with the angel. As it was, she seemed to be there just to BE there.
Baka-Moyashi:
[WINNER]
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crazyshiro:
The prose was strong and it flowed together well. I didn’t get bored reading it. The characters were developed well, and I think that the story had very good pacing. I also liked the events with Angel Olien Dae, as it guides your plot in an interesting direction, but I wonder if maybe some people won’t understand the reference?
It wasn’t a huge issue, but the formatting was really weird to me. There were large spaces on the bottom of the page that I wondered why they were there. It kinda distracted me. I liked the images in the background but at times, it could be hard to read. Also I don’t know why, and I can’t really explain this, but I don’t really feel any emotional connection to the characters. This is a rather frustrating point because I can’t pinpoint why, and thus can’t give a suggestion about how to fix it.
The character development for Harrison and Angel was excellent and the dialogue moved the round along nicely. Overall, the pacing was good but the flashbacks near the beginning of the prose were jarring.
Good descriptions, good portrayal of both characters, creative means of incapacitation, but flipping between present and flashbacks are jarring and confusing at first
Schizobot:
I really liked the consistency of the shape and location of the pictures during the “chapter titles.” I also liked the way Livy was characterized as manipulative and the death fit in with your style in a very violent and grungy way.
I don’t feel like I got a real attachment to the opponent in this round, and to be honest, at the end, I had trouble realizing it was Livy even though I knew who it was going into the round. I also felt like the actual fight was far too short and seemed over too quick, compared to the rest of the pacing. And since I mentioned it in the other entrant’s round, I’ll mention it again here- I do like the inclusion of Angel, but I’m really not sure how well the reference is going to go for those who haven’t read through Tournament of Rings.
I really liked the book style in this round, mimicking Shiro’s usual style. The prose flowed beautifully and it was nice to see the clock tower once again. I have to agree with Will as well on cons. It was hard to tell that it was Livy at the end, I had to reread it to catch it.
I like how Schizo’s round mirror’s Shiro’s usual bookish style. Livy was also sufficiently creepy, and used his powers well in his attempts to destroy Harrison. Revisiting the clock tower was also quite a nice touch.
My main concern was that it was never well implied that Harrison was fighting Livy.
Schizobot:
[WINNER]
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bowgallery:
I loved the concept for the mirrors and how they changed Fallon back into his human form. Stranger's comments on his appearance were just as creepy as always, making me equally repulsed and interested where he's going to go this round. I loved the pallet you used for this round, the soft pastels complimented Anna, Rose, and Fallon, and then there's Stranger in his dark, muddy red. It was definitely striking.
I did feel like less care was put into this entry than past ones. While the story was okay, the art and proofing was sometimes lacking. I noticed at least one hand put on backwards, in addition to a number of typos.
The use of color and paneling, once again, were lovely. The expressions show just how each character feels without the need for words to describe it
Your incorporation of Fallon is just a joy to read, and Stranger stays a very intriguing character. You clearly know where you can cut corners in your art to work efficiently without sacrificing too much quality, and you have a good eye for storyboarding and panel layout.
This entry felt… as if it was less important to you than those before it. There were spelling errors that really broke my immersion while reading, and the confrontation with your opponent seemed kind of rushed and a bit loveless. There were also some confusing parts in your entry - like the flashback Stranger seemed to have. Was that his own memory? But the character in it looked like his brother? That part simply confused me.
All in all, it came across as if you felt a bit too secure and ended up pulling away some time and effort from this entry that you put into the ones before it. Maybe some work on your pacing while thinking of the script can help with that already. And spellchecks, spellchecks, spellchecks!
awkwardkiller This was easily my favorite of your entries. I loved how you really built the relationship between Fallon and Anna, and made the journey into a trek of a couple weeks rather than a sprint to the finish line. Heaven is pretty large, after all! Your writing has improved so much, and it's been amazing seeing you grow as a writer and artist.
The writing style is improving; there were no underlined or italicized words to show who was talking, but it was easy to see who was speaking without it. The prose flowed at a great pace and the images enhanced the atmosphere wonderfully, though there were a few typos in part 3
You obviously work a lot on improving, and it shows! Your use of prose gets better with every entry, and your characters are beginning to ooze with personality. It’s obvious that you pay attention to our criticism, and try to learn something new with every single entry. I loved the sendoff you gave your opponent, too. You obviously took the time to extrapolate the most striking aspect of Stranger (his manipulative behavior) and to create an ending to his story that not only furthered your own, but also did the opponent character justice. That is an excellent thing to do.
I was completely taken by surprise when you made the gutsy move to kill off half of your protagonist duo. Having your characters take harsh losses and defeats like this is something that is interesting to read - I really wanted to see you in the next round, to find out where this is going and what you will do next.
I also noticed that you incorporate more art into your entries now. Yes please! That is a very pleasant break for the eye amidst the text, I hope you keep up that trend!
Literature is always a medium that will put you at a slight disadvantage if the others around you work with art, since it’s more straining to read and must be done very well to outdo impressive visuals. Make absolutely, absolutely sure to spellcheck, best let someone else proofread as well, and maybe consider spiffing up your work a little more. That doesn’t have to mean dropping literature as your medium entirely, but you can experiment with storybook elements or maybe even interactive tidbits. Experimenting with you medium can yield incredibly pleasant and creative results, and creativity and easy readability are always big pluses.
awkwardkiller:
[WINNER]
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